Bribing Policemen

Corruption runs right though Central America. Is it wrong? Definitely. But can it be justified? Probably. It’s not for me to judge but I have had to learn how to deal with it when it leapt up and confronted me in the face. In particular, I have learnt effective strategies for dealing with corrupt policeman. More concisely, as rich western expats living in a country where the averages wage is less than a quarter of ours, we have developed our own “Bribery etiquette” which include when to bribe, how to bribe and most importantly how not to bribe.

The most important and really only rule of the so-called “bribery etiquette” is don’t speak Spanish. Ever. Not even the innocuous “hola”. There seems to be a direct relationship between the amount of Spanish you speak and the amount of money you pay; principally, the more you speak, the more you pay. The reason behind this is quite clear. The average corrupt policeman wants your money but at limited cost and effort. If you cannot understand that he is asking you for nor the “crime” you have committed, how can you possibly pay the “fine”?

This worked particularly well in Honduras when a policeman was attempting to extract money out of Marek and myself for not possessing the regulation triangle and fire extinguisher in our car. After five minutes of blank faces while he futilely repeated the word “triangulo” at different speeds and volumes, he gave up and waved us on. Luckily, he didn’t speak enough English to realize that “triangulo” is rather similar to its English equivalent.

It has be said, however, that despite being told on arrival to El Salvador that we should never speak Spanish to policemen here, we learnt this rule the hard way. On the same trip through Honduras (which was actually only a 2 hour drive through the country on the way to Nicaragua) we were stopped 5 times. Yes, 5 times in 2 hours. And by the time we arrived at the border we were $10 lighter as we had failed to follow the “Bribery etiquette” rules.

The first of five stops was because Marek wasn’t wearing his seat belt. (he couldn’t as the mechanic had trapped it under his seat).We were clearly in the wrong. But so were the other 80% of drivers on the road. Our white faces had obviously turned the cops’ eyes into flashing dollar signs. He demanded $30 that had to be paid there and then. In Spanish, I refused and I said I would happily pay the fine in the police station. Of course, that offer was refused and the “fine” was swiftly reduced to $10 if we would pay there and then and require no documentation. We paid it. But what really bugged me later was would we had to have paid anything at all if we hadn’t ‘understood” the traffic offence?

Yet, like all defenses and plans, there are also flaws and the “Spanish-mute plan” is no exception. A couple of weeks ago we were stopped coming back from the beach and we couldn’t produce our “tarjeta” which is the documentation for the ownership of the car (Marek had accidentally left his wallet at home complete with the tarjeta). This is a real traffic offense but the “policeman” appeared to be off duty. They had no official documents with them and they began recording our details on the first scrap of paper they had encountered in their pockets. So while I stayed silent, Marek attempted to deal with them in English. After a while, the police realized that they weren’t getting anywhere with Marek and turned their attention to me. They asked, “Do you speak Spanish?” Of course, I said no. Yet, they kept on asking and asking me the question, “Do you Spanish? Do you speak Spanish?” until it turned into a more accusatory, “You speak Spanish, You speak Spanish.” Only then it dawned on me that they had stopped us before. The plan was ruined; they knew I understood the situation perfectly and the only thing I could do was still insist I knew no Spanish. It came down to a battle of the wills. They won. We drove away from that confrontation $10 lighter. $10 that went straight into their pockets.

When it comes down to it, we might have lost $20 to corruption so far but at least it is corruption at an individual level and if that money goes to feed their families rather than feed a system of corruption, I’ll pay. Especially if they wave their guns about.